sigh

i hate not having my paper journal to write in. i feel so sick i had organic beef in my fajitas tonight i threw up and i feel so horrible. i dont understand,if its organic i dont know why i should feel sick, i guess it hasjust been so long since i have had meat, i feel sick too b.c i cant think straight and that makes scott and i fight alot,, i hate that,i feel little better now that im venting and all but my allergies are killing me and my tummy is swollen from stress and that stupid meat i guess i just need to find better protein sources and be totally vegan again. i felt awesome and then i got sick. i hate this sooooooooooo much. im watching the dogs with scott for my aunt linda while shes away in montaulk till thursday, it kinda sucks that shes not paying me but whatever. i wish i could in but we have to get up early to go to school for financail aid, and scott has to watch his sisters at 11 for his mom so she can take her sister to the pshycologist. so anywho im about to go to bed and i hate how everyone i know gossips sbout everyone else. i was suppose to go to erins sisters going away party thing but i got stuck in hauppauge b.c my tires on my car are so bald that the metal is showing that that blows plus i owe so much money in car insurance, and credit card and tution that i dont know what im going to do, i can work at the starbucks in elwood but with no car insurance or tires!!! i dont think it is actually possible i dont know if i can even get to classes next week. i was suppose to go to florida but i cant b.c im poor and i already have plane tickets i hope i can get them refunded. i pray i can i dont want to eat 400 bucks, i need that money so badly right now. but hopefully i can pay my insurance and get an alignment and new tire for cheap ... i doubt it though. ok i need to go rest b.c early morning and most likely a long day i hope something good and fun actually happens tomorrow... i cant take all this bad stuff all the time. oh and i need somewhere to live soon YAY my lifeis freaking amazing. i need to get a life i dying from stress and nothing to eat. seriously im really really really sick.,im going to the drs soon i cant take this anymore, maybe i need to see a psychologist just so i can vent to a real person and get all my stress out b.c i can write orever and if i have that much botteled up inside and only stop writing b,c im so tired i cant physically write anymore or my hand hurts one or the other. or my dad starts talking to me and pisses me off so much that i cant take it!!! i hate everyone im mad and sad inside i want to make scott happy b.c he deserves it, i suck. hes sick from the meat too, so im not crazy maybe we both are... who knows maybe i am crazy.. goodnight zsrfg lm;knj bnmklhyfcgbnjuiytfrdgcb ASDFRGTHNJ ERGTHJNHFDSQWSEFTHJKJHGFDSZdcvbhnjuy6t5r4ewsxcv bnmki8u76trdc vbnhytresxdcfvbhji
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